America’s Secret Weapon (?)

This special supersonic global-strike-enabled gadget designed by DARPA could be the revolutionize the war on terror, the war on drugs, the war on wars, the war to bring democracy to every nation in the world, and numerous other declared and undeclared “conflicts”. The problem is that when the Thing takes off on its own power, it loses (or severs) communication with Mission Control. This may be a problem in terms of some potential disparity between what the thing [I like to call it the”Thing”] is supposed to do and what it actually will do. This has happened twice. Perhaps the third time will be a charm. I am cautiously optimistic.

Hopefully, for all parties concerned, it won’t show off and execute a U-Turn, bringing it back to base amidst much embarrassment and serious consternation. DARPA and DOD employees had best build a well-reinforced bunker under Headquarters just in case the Thing gets homesick and wants to come back.

As for me, I have cleared out a great tangle of computer wires, shoe boxes filled with unmounted photos and my custom-woven wicker garbage pail in order to provide a safe place for me to hide in the event that the Thing gets too close for comfort.

I suspect, although I cannot confirm this, that the Thing is not powered in a green, environmentally-friendly manner (i.e., with ethanol, corn pone, grits, post-consumer content or very large solar-powered batteries.

But you can’t have everything — after all…Where would you put it?

Faithfully bringing you this important update, I am,

Douglas E Castle

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